You're dragging me down.

As I was adding cream cheese to my bagel the other day at work, a co-worker praised me for “cooking.”

“That’s a really good idea,” she told me. “I buy a bagel with cream cheese every day and I could just buy the cream cheese at the grocery store – save money.”

It’s logic like this that makes my boyfriend say, “New York – center of the universe, yet so out of touch.”

He’s right - only in Manhattan is grocery shopping considered a novel idea and great way to cut food costs.

But a recent news release from Alliance to Save Energy that boasts money saving tips, like “drive the car that gets better gas mileage” and “avoid idling, which gets 0 mpg,” has me wondering. Maybe people really do need “tips” like this:

“Ditch "junk in the trunk." After your vacation, don't forget to unpack your trunk. An extra 100 pounds in the trunk cuts a typical car's fuel economy by up to 2%. You can save up to 12 gallons of gasoline per year - up to $40 - by removing an extra 100 pounds of unneeded items in the trunk of a car.”

Since we’re on the subject of added pounds, I might consider skipping the cream cheese altogether – lest someone decide that I am the unneeded 100-pound item ruining the gas mileage.

The best time you could have had

Confession time: I've been watching A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila for the past two hours.

And while it's possible that the show has caused me to turn innocent - albeit nonsensical - phrases into the next MTV battle cry, it's also possible that this news release headline from the Girl Scouts of America for their 2008 Summer Camp really is a little raunchy:

The Best Time You Haven't Had Yet

Tequila!

Study proves painted toe nails are "sexy."

While in the elevator the other day, a woman said, "That's quite a blister!" and pointed at my foot.

Of course, it wasn't actually a blister - it was a brush burn I received as a result of falling on the corner of 87th and Lexington while wearing a mini-dress and carrying a suitcase.

But the woman was right. That foot was ugly.

And it's even uglier now since I ran ten miles last weekend and failed to realize that I had put my sock on incorrectly.

"Oh my god!" my boyfriend said later that day. "You said I had ugly feet, but look at that!"

But it seems we're not the only ones to get grossed out by bad feet.

According to a new study by Microplane Foot Files, 31% of people think that "poorly maintained feet" are "a turn-off."

In fact, according to the news release headline, these people find unkempt feet to be a "'Toe'-Tal Turn-off."

You know what else is a turn-off?

Elevator (Sm)All Talk.

Why Nissan should stick to cars.

Headline of the day:

Nissan North America is Blazing Trails in Forging Non-Traditional 'Win-Win-Win' Grassroots Relations.

Separately, each word isn't so bad. But together they're a blazing mess.

And that's a lose-lose-lose - any way you forge it.

Only in America

First of all, something called the American Water Works Association exists.

And so does something called Drinking Water Week, which is a continent-wide celebration that was kicked off by the AWWA today.

"To commemorate the occasion, water utilities across North America will join with their communities throughout the week to celebrate what Only Tap Water Delivers with fairs, programs, contests, public service announcements, and other exciting events," according to the kick-off release.

I'll raise a glass to the arbitrary caps on that one. It's something Only Tap Water Can Deliver.

Shoe Smarts

At 11:30 on Saturday night, Verb for Shoe had nothing better to do than issue a news release.

But not just any news release – a news release about something called "The Smart Shoe Experience."

”The Experience includes a collection of internet attractions featuring cutting-edge smart shoe technology within broader fashion and style contexts.”

And what exactly does that mean?

Well, the shoes “automatically adjust comfort,” include a wireless link to your PC, and they even “communicate with each other, exchanging contact information among different wearers.”

And if that wasn’t enough, they also come with “a collection of interactive music videos featuring the shoes in a various cultural settings.”

S-O-L-D

How a press release can cost millions.

I have a running list of ridiculous mistakes I find in press releases. It's what happens when no one seems to understand how to use a semicolon and Ted Skup keeps referring to himself as "Ghandi."

Tonight I'm adding Lifestyle Beverages, who recently incorporated the first person in a news release:

"With New Yorkers getting fatter and unhealthier due to the fact that they are drinking sugar sweetened drinks with many calories, I believe that it's time New Yorkers lived healthier lifestyles by drinking TrimWater," reads the first paragraph of the release.

Apparently unsatisfied with their botched attempt at public relations, the company went on to invite a lawsuit:

"TrimWater is a new diet beverage that's great tasting and low in calories and sugar and healthy for you, unlike Vitamin Water, SoBe, Lifewater, Gatorade, Coke, Pepsi."

Good luck with that.

I'm sure Gatorade, Coke, Pepsi will be annoyed, irritated, ready to throw down.