At least an unchecked ego benefits someone.

Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern University had an interesting news release headline today:

Boosting Self-Esteem Can Backfire in Decision-Making

According to the release, the group’s research indicates that previously-received praise can make an employee recommit to a bad decision rather than admit a mistake and try a new approach.

I’m sure there’s some truth to that – lots of people don’t like to admit mistakes.

I once assembled an IKEA armoire so that it was unquestionably crooked and whenever someone pointed it out, I said, “Well of course it looks like it’s leaning when you’re looking at it from over there – at a distance!”

But my insistence had more to do with me being completely stubborn and less to do with someone complimenting me on a job well done on the nightstand the day before.

Here’s the thing: some people are just plain bad at admitting mistakes. And other people are bad at realizing that their employees are bad decision-makers.

So maybe the best thing to do isn’t necessarily to question the effect of doling out praise or compliments, but just not let the person in question make any more decisions.

After all, isn’t that the Kellogg School’s main message:

“In one study, participants, acting as senior managers of a large investment bank, received feedback about how rational they were before revisiting a hiring decision. After learning that the person they had hired was not working out, they overwhelmingly recommended spending additional time and money on training, rather than simply acknowledging the poor decision and cutting their losses,” reads the release.

In that case, I hope someone keeps inflating the ego. At least someone wins.

4 Easy Ways to Beat the Recession

I love a good sale, but this new deal from Domino’s is pushing it:

Domino's Launches New 'Recession-Buster' 444 Deal

"A dollar doesn't go a long way anymore -- until now," reads the press release.

And I never thought a pizza had anything to do with a recession – until now.

Sometimes it's not about politics.

My boyfriend once announced that his official view on abortion was “anti-choice.”

He often likes to test his boundaries, so I ignored him – until about five minutes later when his words fully sunk in.

“You’re WHAT?” I asked.

“You heard me," he shrugged. "Anti-choice.”

“Be quiet,” I said. “You’re being disrespectful.”

To whom, I’m not really sure – but I know someone besides me would be annoyed.

“I’m not really,” he explained. “I just like getting your reaction.”

I can only hope that’s what the American Life League was going for when they issued a news release with the headline, “ALL: Throw Babies in the Dumpster, Get a Slap on the Wrist???”

I really don’t care where people fall in the debate - be anti-choice if you want.

But I think everyone should be firmly pro-sense and anti-triple question mark when it comes to news release headlines.

Lit-tle Question

Kids always have a lot of questions.

For example, my four-year old cousin visited my parents’ house for Easter and asked why my father kept a turkey baster in a cup on the shelf under the aquarium.

I thought it was a fair question, but I didn’t stick around for the answer because I didn’t have 20 minutes to spare.

And I found out today that some kids must ask the question, “Where did Mary get her little lamb?” because someone went and wrote a children’s book about it.

In case you were wondering, when an ewe gives birth to more than two lambs at a time, a sheep rancher usually pays a child to feed the third lamb with a bottle so that it doesn’t starve to death.

“Mark Jay Bingham's new color-illustrated children's book, "Woolie" (published by AuthorHouse), creatively expounds upon the familiar nursery rhyme, "Mary Had A Little Lamb," and provides children with an applicable, real-life explanation as to how and why Mary had a lamb as her companion.”

I guess if someone wants to write a book about such a thing, that’s their business.

But I have a question of my own: Who decided to issue a press release about it?

Adventures in Grammarland

This news release headline caught my eye:

Learn 'The Secrets' That the Banks Do Not Want You to Know About Bankruptcy.

And this lead kept me interested:

“On March 31, 2008, at 8:00AM, Bankruptcy attorney, Jamie Ryke, will be on the air, live, answering listener's bankruptcy questions as they call into radio station 1200 AM WCHB… Mr.Ryke is co-founder, along with Andrew Thav, of Second Start; a law firm whose headquarters are located in Michigan.”

On a related note, I am available, live, to answer questions about the comma and its sister the semicolon; call me.

Ted Skup - Repeat Offender

In case it was ever in question, Ted Skup, author of "Death, Taxes & Push-Ups,” is officially insane.

Bold statement, I know. But for the fun of it, let’s recap his nonsense:

1. Published a book entirely about push-ups.
2. Ordained himself “The New Dalai Lama of Fitness.”
3. Posed for this book jacket.

But like any dedicated spiritual leader, Skup didn’t stop there.

In his most recent press release, he compares himself and his "Push-up Revolution" to the likes of “Thomas Jefferson, Ghandi, and Martin Luther… Whether it's Ralph Nader or Michael Moore, the battle cry remains the same, "We're mad as hell and we're not going to take it anymore," reads the release.

"As a revolutionist, my nature draws me to challenge everything the fitness industry dishes out," said Skup in his recent release.

And as a person who thinks, my nature draws me to point out that if we’re going to make outlandish comparisons, we could at least get their names right.

I thought that would be my biggest issue with the release, but then I read this:

“Just like Luke Skywalker who took on the Evil Empire, Ted Skup is announcing today that he and his militia of minutemen will take on the fitness industry by doing push-ups on every battlefield.”

I’m not sure what that means, but I’m afraid. And so is every public figure – alive, dead or fictional – who may be the victim of his next comparison.

Creativity Gets Ugly

In recent months, I’ve noticed several news releases from The Creative Group. As far as I could tell, they spend their time conducting surveys on a variety of mission-critical business topics like “Off-The-Wall Job-Hunting Tactics” and “Wacky Behavior at Company Events.”

Sample results? “More than half (52 percent) of marketing executives and one-quarter (26 percent) of advertising executives said they view unusual job-hunting tactics, such as sending a potential employer a shoe "to get a foot in the door," as unprofessional.”

Personally, I find that statistic astounding. And I once emailed my resume to a company with a bullet point that read, “Mange the work-flow of two full-time co-op students,” so I know a thing or two about being unprofessional.

Today, The Creative Group took it to a whole new level:

“OFFICE PRANKS FOR APRIL FOOLS' DAY?: They May Be No Joking Matter, Survey Suggests.”

According to the release, “Seven out of 10 (71 percent) marketing executives polled by The Creative Group consider April Fools' jokes unsuitable for the office. The responses were more evenly split among advertising executives, with about half (51 percent) finding workplace pranks appropriate versus 45 percent who gave a thumbs down.”

I find it kind of alarming that more than half of marketing executives can tolerate receiving a shoe in the mail from someone they don’t know, but 71% of them think “whoopee cushions in [yes, in] their coworkers' chair” is “unsuitable.”

Perhaps what’s worse is that on the advertising side, 4% of respondents flat out “don’t know” if jokes are OK in the office.

And these aren’t just any respondents, they’re “senior marketing executives randomly selected from the nation's 2,000 largest companies.”

I happen to think that if these executives can’t decide on a joke, then there’s not much hope they can mange a major business decision.

I'm sorry... and shit.

While at my first job out of college, I closed an e-mail with the sentence "I'm sorry for the inconvenience."

Except I misspelled "inconvenience" and the spell check function automatically changed it to “incontinence.”

I didn't even realize it happened until the email recipient wrote back, "Not to embarrass you, but I think you meant inconvenience, not incontinence. Incontinence is ‘the inability to control excretory functions.’"

To this day, I wish I could think of something that spell check could automatically change to “God, could you possibly get any more annoying?"

But then again there's no need for two people to revert to middle school mentality over a typo.

I wonder what my old coworker would do if she saw "incontinence" splashed around in a news release headline:

New Study Reports That Physical Therapy Treatment Resolves Symptoms of Urinary Incontinence in Women

Um, not to embarass you or anything American Physical Therapy Association, but real ladies don't have symptoms of urinary incontinence. In fact, they don't even pee.

Nothing but pennies in my pocket

Yesterday at work, someone edited a press release I wrote so that it was grammatically incorrect.

What’s worse is that right now I can’t even post the release and make fun of myself. One day, when I presumably no longer depend on my salary to pay rent in Manhattan, I’ll add it.

Until that day, I have a news release from MyCoupons.com to address:

“MyCoupons, LLC wants to continue the St. Patrick's Day celebration and help everyone think green this year and save money with coupons and coupon codes. Utilizing coupons online, as well as off, is the best way to help you and your family buy the things you need while keeping the most money where it belongs, safely in your pocket,” reads the release.

I’d like to put that paragraph where it belongs, safely on my blog.

Dogilicious

I admit it – right now I’m watching Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious (Episode: Kitchen Confrontation).

And while I’m on the subject, I’ll admit that last season I watched The Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll. And I loved it.

In fact, Robin Antin could make a show about practically anything and I would watch it - so long as it involved legwarmers, dancing and one girl who was woefully ill-equipped to “embody this week’s theme of sexiness.”

It's pretty obvious - I love reality TV. I really do.

But even I can’t get into this:

Ready, Set ... Groom! Animal Planet Premieres The Top Dog Of Reality Shows With Its Newest Series, GROOMER HAS IT, Hosted By Jai Rodriguez

It’s bad enough that I already spent several hours of my life watching Sheer Genius on Bravo. But at least that was about styling people.

And I can’t be sure, but I bet they didn’t put out a press release with a lead like this:

"Animal Planet enters the world of doggie style with the premiere of its new competition series, GROOMER HAS IT."

Yep, they thought that was a good idea.

I shouldn’t be too surprised.

After all, they also thought of this made for a good premise for a TV series:

"Hosted by Emmy award-winning actor and singer Jai Rodriguez("Queer Eye for the Straight Guy"), GROOMER HAS IT sniffs out 12 of America's most devout dog groomers to compete against each other in a test of desire, creativity and affinity for animals as they shave, shear and shampoo their way through a series of challenges that will crown only one as "Groomer of the Year."

Packin' Heat - Part II

You might remember that a few months ago, I transported a space heater in a duffle bag to Pennsylvania because my boyfriend and his roommates refused to turn on the main heating system in their house.

To this day, they also refuse to purchase a microwave – though they have repeatedly asked me to bring them one.

“If you loved me, you’d bring me the extra one in your apartment,” my boyfriend said.

“I brought you the space heater,” I told him. “I’m not taking a microwave on the bus too! I couldn’t even carry it if I wanted to! It's too big!”

Hopefully, he won’t see this.

According to the recent news release, besides being “the world's smallest patented, personal-sized, portable microwave,” the iWave Cube “features a built-in carry handle that makes it perfect for tailgate parties and picnics.”

And buses.

Penny for your thoughts.

Years ago, my father made a belt buckle. It’s a steel oval half-covered in teal rhinestones with a gold coin as the focal point. It’s easily the tackiest thing I own.

Despite this, a few weeks ago someone from work complimented me on it. So I called my father to tell him.

This is what happened:

Me: Someone at work likes your belt buckle.

My dad: What belt buckle?

Me: The one you made.

My dad: You’re wearing that?

Me: Yes.

My dad: At work?

Me: Yes.

My dad: (Aggitated) What did I tell you about wearing that! You know that belt has a Kruggerrand in it! It's right in the buckle!

Me: I know. I’m wearing it.

My dad: Well you better be careful! Someone might try to take it from you.

Me: No one’s going to mug me for my belt.

My dad: They might! They’ll take it and use it to buy their drugs.

Me: No one is going to hawk a Kruggerrand coin for drugs. No one even knows what a Kruggerrand coin is.

My dad: Yes! Yes they will! Take that off before you leave work! Did you leave work yet?

Me: I’m not taking off my belt!

My dad: I’m serious! That’s gold. It’s worth a lot of money these days!

I hate it admit it, but it turns out he's right.

Not particularly lucid, but right none-the-less.

Milk was a bad choice.

When people learn that I work in public relations, they will often accuse me of being “a spin doctor.”

This usually causes me to get the refrain of “Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong” (by the Spin Doctors) stuck in my head.

And it makes me mad.

“I don’t lie,” I tell them. “I mean, no self respecting public relations professional does.”

And just when I get to the point where people might believe me, something called the Milk Processor Education Program had to go and write a news release headline like this:

Chocolate Milk + Exercise = A Winning Team

That is most certainly an outright lie.

Not like I want to condone kitschy math equations in news releases, but, if anything, it should read "Chocolate Milk + Exercise = Belly Ache."

XO,
Little Miss, Little Miss, Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong

Cute, right?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Orange.

Orange who?

"Orange You Glad It's Almost Spring?"

Repeat Offender: Ted Skup, aka Push-Up King

Ted Skup, the man who brought you the book "Death, Taxes & Push-Ups" – and perhaps more importantly, this book jacket – has gone next-level on us.

His recent news release lead reads as follows: “Move over yoga, your competition has finally arrived,” says Ted Skup, the new Dalai Lama of fitness. “When it comes to harmonizing the body, mind and spirit, push-ups (not yoga) are fast becoming the fitness nirvana of choice.”

Yes, Ted Skup – this guy – was just called “the new Dalai Lama of fitness.”

I find it hard to believe that there was an old Dalai Lama of fitness, and I wonder how one can deliver a quote parenthetically, but I shouldn’t get caught up on these things – especially since I’m dealing with the person who previously referred to push-ups as “horizontal jogging.”

He even follows it up with this:

"We have the making of a new cult following, gravitating towards push-ups," says the new fitness Dalai and author of the book "Death, Taxes & Push- Ups. "As a new Dalai and spiritual leader in the fitness movement, I have a moral obligation to go after the 35-billion-dollar fitness industry."

Wonderful.

I hope The Entire World goes after him.

Read the original Ted Skup post.

I hope I'm not a prophet.

Whenever I hear the word “Dubai,” I launch into a rant about how there’s “no possible way all those buildings could be built safely in such a short amount of time.”

My boyfriend always replies, “I know. You think they’re going to fall like Dominoes. I heard you. I heard you a couple of times.”

Then he’ll usually ask me if there’s anything I want to say about Qdoba – the Tex Mex chain – because whenever anyone says “Chipotle,” “burrito,” or “meal under $7” I say, “I love Qdoba so much more than Chipotle. Did I tell you that they're opening one in New York?”

But thankfully, I now have a brand new thing I can get snarky about when someone brings up Dubai - this headline: “Innovation as the Catalyst for Sustainable Development and Peace.”

Maybe that atrocity isn’t Dubai’s fault – the release came from a company called Nakheel. But someone in the city had to invite them to “convene in Dubai for the 2008 World Summit on Innovation and Entrepreneurship (2008 WSIE) from April 1-3.”

Dominoes. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, Nakheel.

What's a Guppy?

Today I was in Atlanta.

I hear it’s a pretty fun city but I wouldn’t really know because I spent the whole day behind a table with a sign that read “Media Check In.”

“What’s the media?” an event participant asked me.

And it blew my mind.

But not as much as this:

The Yuppie Has Gone - To The Suburbs; Introducing The Scuppie; Socially Conscious Upwardly Mobile Person

In the news release, Chuck Failla, “president of a successful financial planning firm,” claimed that his "goal" is to have 'scuppie' take the place of 'yuppie' "in the American lexicon as the natural evolution of the Hippie-Preppie-Yuppie progression. To accomplish this, he has launched a national promotional campaign and is currently penning "The Scuppie Handbook: A Practical Guide to Living Well while Doing Good."

My goal today was to survive the South. We can’t all be dreamers, Chuck.

If two students leave Chicago at noon...

Math isn’t really my thing.

Especially word problems. Even the simple ones that only loosely resemble word problems – like when one of my friends asked me, “Are you excited to leave your job in a month?”

And I said, “A month?! Take out the weekends and it’s like, 30 days!”

Maybe Anheuser-Busch is having a similar mental lapse in their recent press release, “Getting More Than a Tan Out of Spring Break.”

“College students on spring break are more apt to spend quality time with their parents or siblings than on a trip to the beach… According to the poll, 70 percent of respondents spent their last spring break with family, compared to 33 percent who headed to the beach or other spring break destination.”

I seriously just pulled out a calculator and checked: 70+33 is definitely 103.

That’s not a valid %. At least I don’t think so – I’m like 99% sure about it.

I guess it’s possible that 3% of people go to spring break destinations with their family and they’re counted twice – but the team at Anheuser-Busch should say that.

Otherwise, they just have a different kind of word problem on their hands.

Either you're in or you're out.

I admit it – I get wrapped up in Project Runway.

Two Octobers ago, Bravo ran a day-long season three marathon and for some reason, I decided to make a dress entirely out of silver lame and call myself a Space Girl on Halloween.

But I’d like to think that I’m smart enough to make that mistake only once. I don't go around designing clothes out of plastic bags, assorted cutlery or other unconventional materials every day.

I don’t know what’s keeping Henkel Corporation from doing the same.

“In its eighth year, the 2008 Duck(R) brand duct tape Stuck at Prom(R) Scholarship Contest challenges high school students to create and accessorize their prom formalwear with America's favorite fix-all – duct tape. And, it's up to the public as to who has the best outfit! Online voting will decide the winning couple from 10 finalist couples,” reads the release.

Really? An eight year contest implies that as many people – no, as many couples – have actually participated.

“Rather than worrying about wearing the same dress or tux as another student, invest in some rolls of duct tape and create a unique, stylish outfit that is sure to be like no other.”

You know, if I had to face the prom again, I might be worried that my stupid date Jeremy might not give me a ride home – which happened by the way. And I might be worried that I might accidentally set my bouquet on fire when I inadvertently put it on top of the centerpiece tealights - which also happened. But I wouldn’t be worried about wearing a duplicate dress because even if I did, at least it wouldn't be made of tape.

“In addition to getting creative with their promwear, students will also have the opportunity to make college a little more affordable. The couple receiving the first place title will receive a $6,000 cash scholarship for college.”

Not worth it, kids. Simply not worth it.

Anyone who doesn’t believe me can ask Space Girl to prove it.

Look it up.

Well here’s a clear call to action:

The Islands of The Bahamas Declare 2008 'Year of the Woman'

Ladies Can Prod their Men to 'Jump the Broom' this Leap Year With a Reverse Proposal in The Bahamas

“Prod” seems like a poor choice of words.

And clever as the jump and leap connection is, maybe “Jump the Broom” isn't quite right either.