Repeat Offender: Ted Skup, aka Push-Up King

The good times just keep on rolling here.

In his latest news release, “Push-ups: 'Man vs. Machine,'” Ted Skup, author of “Death, Taxes & Push-Ups,” offers a stern warning to “a new generation of terminators…secretly masquerading as experts in the fitness industry.”

“Ted Skup is announcing today that he is taking down these Fitness Terminators with his push-ups along with the most powerful weapon on earth: The Truth.”

Call me crazy, but I don’t think Gandhi - or as Skup put it in a previous release "Ghandi" - would appreciate this turn of events.

Going for the Gold

In their recent press release, “So ... You Went and Got a Pretty Web Site,” SigrisSystems went all Ted Skup on us.

“Winston Churchill said it best, "Failure is never fatal; success is never permanent." Change is inevitable.”

I'm not familiar with that particular quote, but I would guess Churchill wasn't referring to Web site redesign when he said it. But SigrisSystems at least followed it up with their own wisdom:

“These four important points will you become more successful in your web endeavors,” reads the release. Seriously.

“Keep in mind that, rather than a technical endeavor, the web is a truly unique advertising medium. Unique because visitors to your web site are actively seeking to buy what you offer.

That means:

A. They need to find you from among the millions of sites on the web.
B. You need to grab their attention in the first ten seconds.
C. You need to clearly show them that you provide what they are seeking.
D. You need to demonstrate why You are the most qualified to serve their needs.

In that order.”

Two things:
1. You might want to proofread.
B. Call me. I’ll rewrite it for $50.

Ted Skup - Repeat Offender

In case it was ever in question, Ted Skup, author of "Death, Taxes & Push-Ups,” is officially insane.

Bold statement, I know. But for the fun of it, let’s recap his nonsense:

1. Published a book entirely about push-ups.
2. Ordained himself “The New Dalai Lama of Fitness.”
3. Posed for this book jacket.

But like any dedicated spiritual leader, Skup didn’t stop there.

In his most recent press release, he compares himself and his "Push-up Revolution" to the likes of “Thomas Jefferson, Ghandi, and Martin Luther… Whether it's Ralph Nader or Michael Moore, the battle cry remains the same, "We're mad as hell and we're not going to take it anymore," reads the release.

"As a revolutionist, my nature draws me to challenge everything the fitness industry dishes out," said Skup in his recent release.

And as a person who thinks, my nature draws me to point out that if we’re going to make outlandish comparisons, we could at least get their names right.

I thought that would be my biggest issue with the release, but then I read this:

“Just like Luke Skywalker who took on the Evil Empire, Ted Skup is announcing today that he and his militia of minutemen will take on the fitness industry by doing push-ups on every battlefield.”

I’m not sure what that means, but I’m afraid. And so is every public figure – alive, dead or fictional – who may be the victim of his next comparison.

Repeat Offender: Ted Skup, aka Push-Up King

Ted Skup, the man who brought you the book "Death, Taxes & Push-Ups" – and perhaps more importantly, this book jacket – has gone next-level on us.

His recent news release lead reads as follows: “Move over yoga, your competition has finally arrived,” says Ted Skup, the new Dalai Lama of fitness. “When it comes to harmonizing the body, mind and spirit, push-ups (not yoga) are fast becoming the fitness nirvana of choice.”

Yes, Ted Skup – this guy – was just called “the new Dalai Lama of fitness.”

I find it hard to believe that there was an old Dalai Lama of fitness, and I wonder how one can deliver a quote parenthetically, but I shouldn’t get caught up on these things – especially since I’m dealing with the person who previously referred to push-ups as “horizontal jogging.”

He even follows it up with this:

"We have the making of a new cult following, gravitating towards push-ups," says the new fitness Dalai and author of the book "Death, Taxes & Push- Ups. "As a new Dalai and spiritual leader in the fitness movement, I have a moral obligation to go after the 35-billion-dollar fitness industry."

Wonderful.

I hope The Entire World goes after him.

Read the original Ted Skup post.

Airbrushed Cadillac - Top It.

I dare you to send me your worst date stories.

Terrible as they may be, I’m confident that they wouldn’t be able to compete with that of a friend of mine, who had someone pick her up in a lime green Cadillac SUV with his own face airbrushed on the doors. He had recently written a diet book and evidently thought his car made for a good publication vehicle.

In a recent press release, Abox Publishing and author Ted Skup warn people about fitness nuts like this. They claim to be “taking on the 35 billion-dollar fitness industry and explaining why it is failing us with its bogus claims, magic bullets and quick fixes” so often found on car doors.

However, this challenge apparently does not apply to Ted Skup's fad workout plan as presented in his new book, "Death, Taxes & Push-Ups."

Dubbed by Skup as “the most explosive exercise on the planet!” push-ups seem to be the latest unsung workout regiment. In fact, Skup thinks that push-ups are so underrated that he re-branded them as “Horizontal Jogging.”

“Although the fitness industry may not want to hear it, push-ups are free. No equipment, no gimmicks, and totally portable,” said Skup. Except, of course, for the $18.95 + shipping you need to spend on a copy of “Death, Taxes & Push Ups.”

I’m not really interested in push ups, let alone an entire book about them. But if Ted Skup showed up at my apartment with this on the hood of his Cadillac, I would definitely go for coffee.