Buzz Word Roll Call

It’s only April, but I think I found a strong contender for this year's “Excessive Buzz Word" award:

Innovation Is Key to Global Peace

Collaborative Private Sector, Proactive Government and Innovative Art Can Act As Catalyst To Bring About Competitiveness And Peace

All that and we didn’t even get to the actual release.

But I've come to expect nothing less from a group called The World Summit on Innovation & Entrepreneurship.

I hope I'm not a prophet.

Whenever I hear the word “Dubai,” I launch into a rant about how there’s “no possible way all those buildings could be built safely in such a short amount of time.”

My boyfriend always replies, “I know. You think they’re going to fall like Dominoes. I heard you. I heard you a couple of times.”

Then he’ll usually ask me if there’s anything I want to say about Qdoba – the Tex Mex chain – because whenever anyone says “Chipotle,” “burrito,” or “meal under $7” I say, “I love Qdoba so much more than Chipotle. Did I tell you that they're opening one in New York?”

But thankfully, I now have a brand new thing I can get snarky about when someone brings up Dubai - this headline: “Innovation as the Catalyst for Sustainable Development and Peace.”

Maybe that atrocity isn’t Dubai’s fault – the release came from a company called Nakheel. But someone in the city had to invite them to “convene in Dubai for the 2008 World Summit on Innovation and Entrepreneurship (2008 WSIE) from April 1-3.”

Dominoes. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, Nakheel.

ABSOLUT Innovation

There are some problems over at ABSOLUT.

I know this because I applied for a position at its parent company and completed three rounds of interviews before the head of the Communications Department said to me, “You’re here for what? That position was filled months ago!”

I don’t know who was hired for that public relations position, and I don’t know what they do all day, but I hope they were responsible for writing the following news release headline: “ABSOLUT(R) Partners With Kanye West on Most Innovative Collaboration in Spirits Brand's History.”

It seems that as “the most influential spirits brand in the world” ABSOLUT has decided that it’s no longer enough to simply innovate or collaborate. If you want to make history, you have to innovate collaboratively.

Or maybe collaborate innovatively - like this: "From San Francisco and Los Angeles to New York City and Washington, DC, ABSOLUT 100 cocktails and bottle service will be featured prominently in the coolest nightclubs, where official [Kanye West] after parties will jam into the night. Incorporating elements of the tour and Kanye's renowned design aesthetic into both the club scene and retail locations across the country, ABSOLUT will create a 360-degree experience for Kanye's fan base."

In keeping with this theme, perhaps ABSOLUT HR could partner with ABSOLUT Corporate Communications and forge the most innovative collaboration in hiring process history and create a 360-degree experience for their applicants.

I'd drink to that. And then I'd jam into the night.

The Futon: An Innovative Couch-Like Seating Apparatus

One weekend when my family came to visit the city, they stopped at my apartment for dessert.

I was cutting fudge in the kitchenette and my mother was setting the coffee table approximately three feet away when my brother opened the refrigerator door directly into the ledge I was cutting on. Then my father swung out of the bathroom and took a single step into the middle of it all.

Within seconds, I said to my father, “Oh for heaven’s sake, close the door and use the air freshener.”

So my father headed back in and banged around in the cabinets and rustled the shower curtain. He sprayed something very briefly before there came a tell-tale silence.

When I looked in, he was still holding the canister in the spray position.

“That’s shaving cream!” I yelled.

Luckily, he didn't shake the can enough, and hardly anything came out.

It’s a mistake anyone could make. As a product line, air freshener canisters just aren’t differentiated enough.

Presumably, that’s why Sara Lee and Henkel partnered to “Launch Innovation in the US” with “Revolutionary Air Freshener Insight.”

I know I do this a lot – but I have to ask, can someone tell me what “air freshener insight” is and what makes it “revolutionary?” More importantly, how exactly can you launch innovation in the United States?

“The innovation is based on the insight that people notice and enjoy complementary fragrances that change regularly much more than static, background smells,” reads the release.

“It's imperative to have an innovation strategy that creates a new dimension of performance and TriScents air freshener illustrates the spirit of innovation and collaboration," said Brad Casper, President and CEO-The Dial Corporation, A Henkel Company.

Quick buzz word roll call: innovation, imperative, innovation, strategy, innovation and collaboration.

Taking the lead from Sara Lee and Henkle, I've decided to launch my own innovation strategy – it’s based on personal insight to operate my residence bathroom without any collaboration from my father. In fact, it's imperative in creating a new dimension of performance.

Guac-a-what did you say?!

At our family’s Christmas get-together last year, my aunt brought homemade guacamole.

My grandmother saw it on the table and asked me, “What’s that?!”

“It’s guacamole,” I told her.

“What’s it called?!” she asked again.

“Guacamole.”

“What?!”

“It’s dip,” I finally told her.

It’s too bad that the guy who once spent twenty minutes of my lunch hour explaining his guacamole recipe in detail wasn’t around to list the ingredients for her: “Avocados. Tomatoes. Onions. Cilantro - that’s the secret ingredient. Salt,” he had told me months earlier.

“Do you mix yours by hand?” I asked.

“God, no,” he said, quite seriously. “I use a spoon.”

Armed with that information, I may be able to make my very own guacamole and thus accommodate Dr. Wendy Bazilian’s request for Superbowl party-goers to make “savvy nutritional choices.”

“Gourmet and exciting can also be healthy and nutritious! Add pizzazz with colorful SuperFoods vegetables, innovative low-fat dips and scrumptious finger foods,” reads the release. “You can spruce-up your guacamole and be hip with mini pizzas and tasty baked tortillas chips alongside hit-of-the-party salsa.”

Aside from the fact that a lot of that seemed illogical - I must ask, exactly how can a low-fat dip be innovative?

It seems to be a bit of a stretch.

Unless – of course – maybe it was mixed with some sort of technologically enhanced spoon.