The Dating Doubter: A Play in One Act.

Location:
Wilkes Barre, Pa.

The Year:
2005

The couple stands in a small apartment. My Date crosses the room and stands in front of a table with a computer. A miniature schnauzer romps playfully on the floor.

My Date: My roommate hooked up the Internet and it’s really fast.

Me: Oh really? What do you have?

My Date: Just the Internet.

Me: No, I mean is it DSL or is it cable?

My Date: I don't know, but it's really fast. Both computers use the same one too!

Me: You mean they use the same connection?

My Date: No, the same Internet. Both computers plug into a little box and you can use both computers at the same time.

Me: Oh! You mean a router!

My Date: No… this is just a box. (Holds the box.)

Me: That’s a router!

My Date: (Shrugs) Well whatever, it’s really fast.

Try as I may to convince my date that the “little box” had a name, he didn’t believe me. Perhaps I should have used Renee Mazer’s new approach to vocabulary building: WORDGASM, “a risque vocabulary builder.”

“The set of CDs or audio tapes contains 'remember me' clues for over 500 of the most tested vocabulary words. If it makes you laugh, it'll get stuck in your head. For instance, "My boyfriend's kissing was lackluster, so I said 'See you later buster,'"” according to ReneeMazer.com.

That approach may have worked for my date and his little box. Something like:

“Perhaps you didn’t hear me,
I said, "It’s called a router,"
Do you need me to repeat it,
Or just say it louder?”