Cute, right?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Orange.

Orange who?

"Orange You Glad It's Almost Spring?"

Repeat Offender: Ted Skup, aka Push-Up King

Ted Skup, the man who brought you the book "Death, Taxes & Push-Ups" – and perhaps more importantly, this book jacket – has gone next-level on us.

His recent news release lead reads as follows: “Move over yoga, your competition has finally arrived,” says Ted Skup, the new Dalai Lama of fitness. “When it comes to harmonizing the body, mind and spirit, push-ups (not yoga) are fast becoming the fitness nirvana of choice.”

Yes, Ted Skup – this guy – was just called “the new Dalai Lama of fitness.”

I find it hard to believe that there was an old Dalai Lama of fitness, and I wonder how one can deliver a quote parenthetically, but I shouldn’t get caught up on these things – especially since I’m dealing with the person who previously referred to push-ups as “horizontal jogging.”

He even follows it up with this:

"We have the making of a new cult following, gravitating towards push-ups," says the new fitness Dalai and author of the book "Death, Taxes & Push- Ups. "As a new Dalai and spiritual leader in the fitness movement, I have a moral obligation to go after the 35-billion-dollar fitness industry."

Wonderful.

I hope The Entire World goes after him.

Read the original Ted Skup post.

I hope I'm not a prophet.

Whenever I hear the word “Dubai,” I launch into a rant about how there’s “no possible way all those buildings could be built safely in such a short amount of time.”

My boyfriend always replies, “I know. You think they’re going to fall like Dominoes. I heard you. I heard you a couple of times.”

Then he’ll usually ask me if there’s anything I want to say about Qdoba – the Tex Mex chain – because whenever anyone says “Chipotle,” “burrito,” or “meal under $7” I say, “I love Qdoba so much more than Chipotle. Did I tell you that they're opening one in New York?”

But thankfully, I now have a brand new thing I can get snarky about when someone brings up Dubai - this headline: “Innovation as the Catalyst for Sustainable Development and Peace.”

Maybe that atrocity isn’t Dubai’s fault – the release came from a company called Nakheel. But someone in the city had to invite them to “convene in Dubai for the 2008 World Summit on Innovation and Entrepreneurship (2008 WSIE) from April 1-3.”

Dominoes. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, Nakheel.

What's a Guppy?

Today I was in Atlanta.

I hear it’s a pretty fun city but I wouldn’t really know because I spent the whole day behind a table with a sign that read “Media Check In.”

“What’s the media?” an event participant asked me.

And it blew my mind.

But not as much as this:

The Yuppie Has Gone - To The Suburbs; Introducing The Scuppie; Socially Conscious Upwardly Mobile Person

In the news release, Chuck Failla, “president of a successful financial planning firm,” claimed that his "goal" is to have 'scuppie' take the place of 'yuppie' "in the American lexicon as the natural evolution of the Hippie-Preppie-Yuppie progression. To accomplish this, he has launched a national promotional campaign and is currently penning "The Scuppie Handbook: A Practical Guide to Living Well while Doing Good."

My goal today was to survive the South. We can’t all be dreamers, Chuck.

If two students leave Chicago at noon...

Math isn’t really my thing.

Especially word problems. Even the simple ones that only loosely resemble word problems – like when one of my friends asked me, “Are you excited to leave your job in a month?”

And I said, “A month?! Take out the weekends and it’s like, 30 days!”

Maybe Anheuser-Busch is having a similar mental lapse in their recent press release, “Getting More Than a Tan Out of Spring Break.”

“College students on spring break are more apt to spend quality time with their parents or siblings than on a trip to the beach… According to the poll, 70 percent of respondents spent their last spring break with family, compared to 33 percent who headed to the beach or other spring break destination.”

I seriously just pulled out a calculator and checked: 70+33 is definitely 103.

That’s not a valid %. At least I don’t think so – I’m like 99% sure about it.

I guess it’s possible that 3% of people go to spring break destinations with their family and they’re counted twice – but the team at Anheuser-Busch should say that.

Otherwise, they just have a different kind of word problem on their hands.

Either you're in or you're out.

I admit it – I get wrapped up in Project Runway.

Two Octobers ago, Bravo ran a day-long season three marathon and for some reason, I decided to make a dress entirely out of silver lame and call myself a Space Girl on Halloween.

But I’d like to think that I’m smart enough to make that mistake only once. I don't go around designing clothes out of plastic bags, assorted cutlery or other unconventional materials every day.

I don’t know what’s keeping Henkel Corporation from doing the same.

“In its eighth year, the 2008 Duck(R) brand duct tape Stuck at Prom(R) Scholarship Contest challenges high school students to create and accessorize their prom formalwear with America's favorite fix-all – duct tape. And, it's up to the public as to who has the best outfit! Online voting will decide the winning couple from 10 finalist couples,” reads the release.

Really? An eight year contest implies that as many people – no, as many couples – have actually participated.

“Rather than worrying about wearing the same dress or tux as another student, invest in some rolls of duct tape and create a unique, stylish outfit that is sure to be like no other.”

You know, if I had to face the prom again, I might be worried that my stupid date Jeremy might not give me a ride home – which happened by the way. And I might be worried that I might accidentally set my bouquet on fire when I inadvertently put it on top of the centerpiece tealights - which also happened. But I wouldn’t be worried about wearing a duplicate dress because even if I did, at least it wouldn't be made of tape.

“In addition to getting creative with their promwear, students will also have the opportunity to make college a little more affordable. The couple receiving the first place title will receive a $6,000 cash scholarship for college.”

Not worth it, kids. Simply not worth it.

Anyone who doesn’t believe me can ask Space Girl to prove it.

Look it up.

Well here’s a clear call to action:

The Islands of The Bahamas Declare 2008 'Year of the Woman'

Ladies Can Prod their Men to 'Jump the Broom' this Leap Year With a Reverse Proposal in The Bahamas

“Prod” seems like a poor choice of words.

And clever as the jump and leap connection is, maybe “Jump the Broom” isn't quite right either.