Make a left, right?

After a particularly bad trip to my doctor last year, I wrote a complaint letter that ended with the sentence, "And if I could ask for my blood back, I would."

I'm sure there are many talented doctors in this world, but unfortunately I haven't met any yet.

For that reason, The Weil Institute of Critical Care's recent medical research press release, "Who Decides How to Save Your Life?" gives me hope that just because I may have had a bad experience with my doctor, there's actually an entire group of people directly responsible for my healthcare. But if their research is anything like their writing, I may just want to pass.

“Most research makes the average person's head ache with scientific terms and medical language we don't understand and certainly won't read. We simply want the life saving benefit of all their efforts," reads the release. “There's nothing wrong with that, after all, that's what the scientists and engineers are getting paid for, right?”

Um, right?

“Wrong! The world's leader in critical care medicine research since 1955 is a non-profit education and research organization that relies on the charity of, guess who?”

Um, I don’t know – who?

“The public. Surprised?”

Yes?

“The Weil Institute has touched us all in one way, shape, manner or form in our lifetime. If you know someone saved by CPR, they wrote the Guidelines; if a future victim has an improved quality of life after suffering sudden cardiac arrest, you can bet the Weil Institute of Critical Care Medicine could ultimately take the credit. They won't.”

If you’re confused now, just wait until you read the full release. I went through it at least five times and I still don’t understand what they’re announcing - though I think it has something to do with either Who or How to Save Your Life.

Either way, I really just want my blood back.

What do running, online dating and my father have in common?

My father has this habit of answering rhetorical questions.

For instance, when my brother asked me to enter a six-mile race with him last spring, I said, “Maybe. The four-mile one wasn’t too bad. When I run, I just have to find my pace. I mean, six miles… four miles – what’s the difference?”

And my father answered, “Oh – two miles!” and shrugged.

But it seems a lot of people make that mistake. Like the folks at Incredimail who kicked off their latest press release with the following question:

“What do pocket protectors, protractors and slide rulers have to do with online romance?”

They answered, “These days, nothing!”

I hope whoever wrote that shrugged before continuing: “It used to be that only those thought of as geeks and nerds -- losers, if you will -- went online to find love. Now, it's better, faster, more economical and well, just easier to go online and find that potential mate.”

I agree with their approach. If I were promoting IncrediWorld, a new medium that encourages people to “look-up, meet-up and hook-up online,” I would definitely remind them that “losers” are likely users.

Oh, but who am I to say that, you know? Who am I?

No one!