Coffee - cream and sugar... and cat poop.

To keep myself entertained as a teenager, I would play a game called “How much shit can I get Daddy to put in his coffee” at meal times.

As its name implies, the game centered on convincing my father to add unconventional items to his coffee. In its earliest stages, my mother would pay me $1 for the battles I won: mint ice cream, yogurt, sprinkles, whipped cream, chocolate syrup and strawberry preserves.

“This is getting ridiculous,” my mother told me. “I don’t think we should play any more.”

Of course, I was moving to college at that point and her change of heart seemed conveniently timed. Plus, when I came home for visits, she still played the game - she just didn’t pay me a dollar for the chocolate chip cookie, or crumb cake, or the butter. The possibilities were endless, really.

One year for Christmas, I received a tub of chocolate rice snack cookies.

“Do NOT ask your father to put those in his coffee,” my mother told me as I was opening the tub. “I mean it, not with the company here!”

But my father needed very little convincing to throw in a handful. And when they floated to the top of his cup like cereal in milk, I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Oh you’re up to something!” my dad yelled. “These aren’t for coffee. I don’t know why I listen to you!”

Trying to avoid a fight, my mother came into the room, picked up the tub and examined the label. “Yep, it says right here: May add to coffee or tea,” she pretended to read.

Then she pointed to the cartoon moose on the front of the package, “See, the moose is holding a coffee cup!”

“Oh, good,” my father said, satisfied with the explanation.

Later, as we were doing the dishes, my mother picked up a coffee cup and said, “You always know which cup is your father’s. It’s the one with all the shit on the bottom.”

Now, thanks to this WZZM video clip, I know how to take our game to the next level and see how much shit my father really will drink.