The Internet will always be Public

Attn: Online Dating Services

You're all the same.

Even you Sparkbliss - online home for the "non-online dater who would rather not have their profile published on the public Internet."

Repeat Offender: Ted Skup, aka Push-Up King

The good times just keep on rolling here.

In his latest news release, “Push-ups: 'Man vs. Machine,'” Ted Skup, author of “Death, Taxes & Push-Ups,” offers a stern warning to “a new generation of terminators…secretly masquerading as experts in the fitness industry.”

“Ted Skup is announcing today that he is taking down these Fitness Terminators with his push-ups along with the most powerful weapon on earth: The Truth.”

Call me crazy, but I don’t think Gandhi - or as Skup put it in a previous release "Ghandi" - would appreciate this turn of events.

Average is 100

Well here's some good news:

New Dating Site for Intelligent People Only

"IntelligentPeople.com is an online dating and networking community which requires that its members pass an IQ test in order to join," according to a news release.

Of course, I had to take the test.

And I failed - probably miserably because I took it during a commercial break while intoxicated as my out-of-town boyfriend was ringing my doorbell.

But thankfully, IntelligentPeople.com allows for situations like this, by letting people take the test twice - per e-mail address registered.

In any case, I'm saving my second chance for a day when I haven't had a gin and tonic and America's Next Top Model isn't on.

And if I still fail, there's always a Shot at Love with Tila Tequila.

No IQ necessary.

20 Questions

I once went on a job interview that ended so poorly that I blew a kiss to the office building from the sidewalk and said, "Not getting that one."

Having spent the previous hour answering questions like, "Where did you park your car when you moved into the city?" and "Where does your current boss sit in relation to your cubicle?" - I didn't even care too much that I wouldn't get the job.

On a related note, the National Press Club issued this news release today and I think Barack Obama might be blowing a kiss to White House.

It's my time.

During a group brainstorm at a previous job, I accidentally announced that I had a MySpace profile.

We were talking about how to promote new Internet applications and I thought it would make sense to say, “I think it would help if we got influential early adopters to use the service. It’s like MySpace. I didn’t want to join, but all my friends did – so I had to or I would be left out.”

The resulting silence was broken only when someone screeched, "You're on MySpace?!"

Attempting to get us back on track, my boss said, “What we do on our own time is our own business,” which ended the conversation until an hour later, when she pulled me aside and added, “You know I don’t care about what you do on your personal time. I just care that you’re happy and you’re healthy.”

I felt like telling her that the last time I checked, using the Internet did not put you at risk for contracting an STD.

Of course that’s what I thought until I learned that a site called OnlineBootyCall existed.

Designed to “combine all the benefits of dating with the excitement of maintaining the single life,” OnlineBootyCall boasts making "millions of personal connections every week” and providing “an interactive and fun dating site where 'you don't have to promise marriage just to get a date!'"

Now, what OnlineBootyCall users do on their own time is their own business – but I happen to think that when people sign up for a service that brags about its “rapidly growing [user]population” they're also bound to encounter some rapidly growing, um, problems.

Of course, I don’t expect to see a press release about that.

There are 600 reasons to read this post

A few weeks ago Domino’s Pizza issued a news release about how their 4-4-4 pizza deal was a “Recession-Buster.”

When I read that release, I thought it couldn't be topped.

But apparently I was wrong because in a news release today Domino’s made a case for why Americans should spend their $600 refund check on “150 pizza meals.”

Just to show that they thought their proposal through, they offered several other options for what $600 could buy, including, “Nearly a half mile of fresh mint dental floss” or “685 yards (nearly seven football fields) of bubble wrap (for wrapping or stress relief).”

“If you're getting a $300 stimulus refund check, that means that you could buy 75 pizzas and make 132 meals out of it!”

Exactly.

Because when faced with the choice of either a giant roll of dental floss or 150 pizza meals, I too would opt for several hundred slices of pizza.

Then again - my check might be better spent on 300 boxes of Band-Aids because I kicked off a season of foot trauma last week when I wore a pair of flats without tights.

I also happened to skid across the last lane of traffic on Lexington Avenue because the flats didn’t have proper traction on the soles, but that’s really a story for another time - unless I decide to buy a dozen new pairs of flats.

With a pizza on the side.

What the heck else would you do with a cake?

Who doesn’t love a good, simple proverb?

“Easy come, easy go.”
“Practice what you preach.”
“Actions speak louder than words.”

You can't argue with logic like that.

Just ask Publication Services of America, who recently issued a news release with the headline, “The Best Things in Life Are ... In Better Health & Living(R), A Free, Premium Magazine Launching April 26 in the Twin Cities.”

Kind of lost its ring, no?

But since I feel like being nice, I’ll just leave with this: Some things are better left… Unsaid.