Only in America

First of all, something called the American Water Works Association exists.

And so does something called Drinking Water Week, which is a continent-wide celebration that was kicked off by the AWWA today.

"To commemorate the occasion, water utilities across North America will join with their communities throughout the week to celebrate what Only Tap Water Delivers with fairs, programs, contests, public service announcements, and other exciting events," according to the kick-off release.

I'll raise a glass to the arbitrary caps on that one. It's something Only Tap Water Can Deliver.

Shoe Smarts

At 11:30 on Saturday night, Verb for Shoe had nothing better to do than issue a news release.

But not just any news release – a news release about something called "The Smart Shoe Experience."

”The Experience includes a collection of internet attractions featuring cutting-edge smart shoe technology within broader fashion and style contexts.”

And what exactly does that mean?

Well, the shoes “automatically adjust comfort,” include a wireless link to your PC, and they even “communicate with each other, exchanging contact information among different wearers.”

And if that wasn’t enough, they also come with “a collection of interactive music videos featuring the shoes in a various cultural settings.”

S-O-L-D

How a press release can cost millions.

I have a running list of ridiculous mistakes I find in press releases. It's what happens when no one seems to understand how to use a semicolon and Ted Skup keeps referring to himself as "Ghandi."

Tonight I'm adding Lifestyle Beverages, who recently incorporated the first person in a news release:

"With New Yorkers getting fatter and unhealthier due to the fact that they are drinking sugar sweetened drinks with many calories, I believe that it's time New Yorkers lived healthier lifestyles by drinking TrimWater," reads the first paragraph of the release.

Apparently unsatisfied with their botched attempt at public relations, the company went on to invite a lawsuit:

"TrimWater is a new diet beverage that's great tasting and low in calories and sugar and healthy for you, unlike Vitamin Water, SoBe, Lifewater, Gatorade, Coke, Pepsi."

Good luck with that.

I'm sure Gatorade, Coke, Pepsi will be annoyed, irritated, ready to throw down.

The Internet will always be Public

Attn: Online Dating Services

You're all the same.

Even you Sparkbliss - online home for the "non-online dater who would rather not have their profile published on the public Internet."

Repeat Offender: Ted Skup, aka Push-Up King

The good times just keep on rolling here.

In his latest news release, “Push-ups: 'Man vs. Machine,'” Ted Skup, author of “Death, Taxes & Push-Ups,” offers a stern warning to “a new generation of terminators…secretly masquerading as experts in the fitness industry.”

“Ted Skup is announcing today that he is taking down these Fitness Terminators with his push-ups along with the most powerful weapon on earth: The Truth.”

Call me crazy, but I don’t think Gandhi - or as Skup put it in a previous release "Ghandi" - would appreciate this turn of events.

Average is 100

Well here's some good news:

New Dating Site for Intelligent People Only

"IntelligentPeople.com is an online dating and networking community which requires that its members pass an IQ test in order to join," according to a news release.

Of course, I had to take the test.

And I failed - probably miserably because I took it during a commercial break while intoxicated as my out-of-town boyfriend was ringing my doorbell.

But thankfully, IntelligentPeople.com allows for situations like this, by letting people take the test twice - per e-mail address registered.

In any case, I'm saving my second chance for a day when I haven't had a gin and tonic and America's Next Top Model isn't on.

And if I still fail, there's always a Shot at Love with Tila Tequila.

No IQ necessary.

20 Questions

I once went on a job interview that ended so poorly that I blew a kiss to the office building from the sidewalk and said, "Not getting that one."

Having spent the previous hour answering questions like, "Where did you park your car when you moved into the city?" and "Where does your current boss sit in relation to your cubicle?" - I didn't even care too much that I wouldn't get the job.

On a related note, the National Press Club issued this news release today and I think Barack Obama might be blowing a kiss to White House.